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To start us off:

A older gentleman sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale."
He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The man goes to the backyard where he finds a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Sure do," the dog replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The dog looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of speech as a young pup. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping."
I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running. The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."
"I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded loads of medals. Had a wife, a few puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The geezer is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten bucks."
The bloke says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Cause he's a damn liar. He's never done any of that stuff ..."

Found this online, made me laugh.

"How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?
       
Golden Retriever:
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie:
The Border Collie realized the bulb wasn't the problem, and is in the basement re-setting the breaker.

Dachshund:
You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Rottweiler:
Make me.

Lab:
Oh, me, me!!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I?
Malamute:
Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Jack Russell Terrier:
I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Poodle:
I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Cocker Spaniel: 
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Doberman Pinscher:
While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Boxer:
Who cares?  I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Mastiff:
Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Chihuahua:
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Irish Wolfhound:
Can somebody else do it?  I've got this hangover.

Pointer:
I see it, there it is, there it is, right there.

Greyhound:
It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd:
First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle…


Old English Sheep Dog:
Light bulb?  I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb?


German Shepherd:
Alright, everyone stop where you are! Who busted the light?  I SAID, "STOP WHERE YOU ARE!!!"

Hound Dog:
ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

Cat:
Dogs do not change light bulbs.  People change light bulbs.  So the  question is:     How long will it be before I can expect light?"

Why is a dog's nose in the middle of its face?






Because its the "scenter"!

What do you call a dog magician?


A labracadabrador.

How does a dog stop a movie? He presses the paws button

What kind of dog does Dracula have?


A Bloodhound.

What did the Dalmatian say when he ate some food?









That hit the spot!

What did one flea say to the other?



Should we walk or take a dog?

A burglar breaks into a house. He starts shining his light around looking for valuables. Some nice things catch his eye, and as he reaches for them, he hears, “Jesus is watching you.” Startled, the burglar looks for the speaker. Seeing no one, he keeps putting things in his bag, again, he hears, “Jesus is watching you.” This time, he sees a parrot.

“Who are you?” the burglar asks.

“Moses,” the bird replied.

“Who the heck would name a bird Moses?” the man laughed.

“I dunno,” Moses answered, “I guess the same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.”

A Dachshund walks into a telegraph office, picks up a blank form, and writes: “Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof.”

The clerk looks over the paper for a minute before telling the dog, “You know, there are only nine words here. You could add another ‘Woof’ for the same price.”

The Dachshund shakes his head at the clerk in disbelief. “But that would make no sense at all.”

Ahaha, really funny jokes!

These are all great! Lol

What did the Chihuahua say his owner?






"Poochas gracias"


Alexandria

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